How many of us feel or have felt the same way?
I remember when I was preparing to leave Texas for college in New York City, I was warned by a family friend about those "aggressive men" on the East Coast. I was told the story of some unlucky girl/woman in the Bronx who didn't want to answer to cat calls and was knocked upside the head with a bottle.
At that moment, my 18-year-old self decided that no matter how rude, unattractive, or belligerent the guy or guys were, I would always be nice. I would put on my southern charm with hopes of saving my virginity and my own life.
Sadly, being polite didn't keep Mary alive. When asked for her number, she was quoted as saying, "I'm sorry, I have a man. I can't talk to you right now." I have used that line numerous times in various parts of the U.S., but I can count on a single hand, how many guys backed off immediately....maybe one or two.
Most either responded like I told them that their dicks smelled like Bath & Body Works or as if I'd just crushed it with my bare hands.
I consider it a blessing that none of them were wounded enough to pull out a gun on me, although, I don't think I am above it.
I've been reading responses to this tragedy and many women have expressed that they are now even more afraid to politely turn down unwanted advances. However, I think we are embarking on dangerous territory if we allow our voices to be silenced. Now more than ever, we have to say NO in the way that feels best to us, because the worst has already happened!
We owe it to Mary and the countless others who never make the news, to feel empowered enough to not waste our precious time by giving out our names or numbers if we don't want to. Hell, we don't even have to be gracious, especially when we are met with such hostility. I've personally seen how a little kindness can transform anger in miraculously ways, but every story does not have a happy ending.
There's all this talk about the very real war on black men, but there's not nearly enough discussion (or admission) about the danger zones that many black girls and women find themselves in, especially, within our own communities. The sad truth is that we are being brutalized by some of the very men we are fighting for.
Rest In Peace Unique. Walk in power, my sisters. Walk with power.
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