Treat yourself to some Therapy.

I did.
& i ain't crazy either.

Dear Sisters,

Too many of us are walking around wearing a mask. We don't give ourselves permission to be human  and we don't think that we can be "Strong" and vulnerable. But we can. We have the right to not have it together ALL THE TIME.  Gurl, give yourself a break. The more you do that, the less likely you'll be breaking down or going off!

Why are you carrying all of that shit? You don't have to. Yes, prayer helps. Going to church on Sunday helps, but you don't have to suffer Monday-Saturday unless you want to. I have come to the conclusion that so many of us are addicted to the pain. We crave the drama and negativity because it's been a guest in our homes & communities for a very long time.

Grief is another beast. When you lose someone close to you, it's perfectly normal to feel all of your losses and traumas at once.  I recently loss my grandmother and it has triggered a flood of emotions.

Now I am someone who usually "has it together." I am often giving advice and 'inspiring folks' with feel good speeches and my usual and sincere optimism. But there are days where my human self shows out! In the midst of my wonderful life, I sometimes feel overwhelmed, sad, frustrated, irritable, defeated, confused, and HANGRY :)

Fortunately, I know how to call on Jesus and/or go on youtube and play anything by The Clark Sisters.  I also know how to call on my ancestors and a good therapist. It's part of my self care.  It is just as important as going to the spa. Do your research. Find a licensed professional that you can vibe and be honest with. But know that just like going to a beauty shop, you can't sit in everybody's chair.

Keep doing your inner work sis. Trust that this too shall pass (for real) & remember that it really doesn't have to be so hard.

I love you.

Music For The Soul.

Love. 

Love Letters, Day 3

Over a year ago, I decided to write myself a love letter for 32 days straight. 3 journals later, I am still writing...

When was the last time you told yourself, "I love you" and meant it? Although it's wonderful to hear those words and feel loved by someone else, it's equally important to affirm yourself.

But don't confuse self love with arrogance or your ego.  That's false. When you really get to the truth of who you are---a powerful and divine being, it becomes easier to love on many different levels.

Pocket full of wisdom. Day 2

hey gurl.

As you stretch into this month, I'd like to offer you some of my favorite quotes & mantras that are sure to help you along the way! Feel free to write 'em down, tape them to your mirror, share with a friend, and/or on social media, or create your own list.

Don't accept shit for change.

-My grandma, Willie D.

Everything you need is in your bones.

-Mama Nayo

Respect is just a minimum

-Lauryn Hill

I am safe. I am loved. I am free.

Write what should not be forgotten.

-Isabel Allende

For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and a sound mind. 

2 Timothy 1:7

You better think (think) think about what you're trying to do to me.

-Aretha Franklin

Those that don't got it, can't show it. Those that got it, can't hide it. 

-Zora Neale Hurston

Come harder. This won't be easy. Don't doubt yourself, trust me you need me.

-Beyonce

I am healthy, happy, whole, in body mind and soul.

-DMC

Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional. 

February Sugah: 29 Days of Black Love, #1

Hey brilliant reflection of God!
Happy 2016.
How are you feeling?
How are you living?
Are you snoring or are you roaring?

For the entire month of February, I am going to offer you daily treats that are very black and lovely. It is, after all, 
Black History Month & The month of Looooove. 

I am going to share information about some of my favorite people, places, things and experiences. I might even include an interview or two. The Pecola Project is evolving. So am I.  So are you. So are we. Despite the depressing news that's constantly being reported about us,  I still believe that we hold up the sun and light up the world. 


#1  WATCH this fabulous discussion with Iyanla which is all about getting unstuck.  

'cause honey chile. You can't BE FLY & stuck.

(i think i'm pretty witty at times.:)

When Racism Slaps The Taste Out Of Your Mouth and you try your best to remember sweetness...

You are loved.

You are lovely.

You are love.

You are loved.

You are lovely.

You are love.

You are loved. 

Your are lovely.

You are love.

I see you. 

Hold on.

Hold on.

Hold on.

Dear Brothers: Don't Shoot.

I am on a self-imposed negative media fast, but I slipped up and read the awful news about Mary "Unique" Spears, the Young mother killed after refusing a man's advances.  I watched one of Mary's loved ones give an interview with her back to the camera because she's not only afraid to say no to a stranger, she's in fear that another strange man could kill her too.

How many of us feel or have felt the same way?

I remember when I was preparing to leave Texas for college in New York City,  I was warned by a family friend about those "aggressive men" on the East Coast.  I was told the story of some unlucky girl/woman in the Bronx who didn't want to answer to cat calls and was knocked upside the head with a bottle.

At that moment, my 18-year-old self decided that no matter how rude, unattractive, or belligerent the guy or guys were, I would always be nice.  I would put on my southern charm with hopes of saving my virginity and my own life.

Sadly, being polite didn't keep Mary alive.  When asked for her number, she was quoted as saying, "I'm sorry, I have a man. I can't talk to you right now."   I have used that line numerous times in various parts of the U.S., but I can count on a single hand, how many guys backed off immediately....maybe one or two.

Most either responded like I told them that their dicks smelled like Bath & Body Works or as if I'd just crushed it with my bare hands.

I consider it a blessing that none of them were wounded enough to pull out a gun on me, although, I don't think I am above it.

I've been reading responses to this tragedy and many women have expressed that they are now even more afraid to politely turn down unwanted advances.  However, I think we are embarking on dangerous territory if we allow our voices to be silenced.  Now more than ever, we have to say NO in the way that feels best to us, because the worst has already happened!

We owe it to Mary and the countless others who never make the news, to feel empowered enough to not waste our precious time by giving out our names or numbers if we don't want to.  Hell, we don't even have to be gracious, especially when we are met with such hostility. I've personally seen how a little kindness can transform anger in miraculously ways, but every story does not have a happy ending.

There's all this talk about the very real war on black men, but there's not nearly enough discussion (or admission) about the danger zones that many black girls and women find themselves in, especially, within our own communities. The sad truth is that we are being brutalized by some of the very men we are fighting for.

Rest In Peace Unique.  Walk in power, my sisters. Walk with power.

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